I'm so mad at myself!

Anytime someone else tells me their issues/problems, I truly try very hard to reason with them. I try to get them to see that they're definitely NOT the only person on the planet going through what they are experiencing and a lot of times it's all in how you may look at a situation. I hate a truly healthy individual to feel sorry for themselves. You have health, food, shelter, family, children, etc.

I'm mad b/c I feel soooo sorry for myself that I can hardly breathe. I'm at the stage where I'm fighting back that rather pushy lump in my throat. The one that reminds me that he wants out and he'll make me think of all my problems at once in order to accomplish this task.

Andre's had surgery, yes. But, he's doing good for being only 6 days post op. The day after Andre injured himself the pediatrician's office called letting us know that ReAnna tested positive for strep throat. But fortunately it wasn't a painful virus and didn't last very long. The next day I needed to mow the lawn - I'm finding it difficult doing EVERYTHING. Not that I don't like mowing or taking out trash or driving, washing car, laundry, dishes, dogs, getting kids ready, breakfast, lunch, dinner, welfare appts, picking up kids, getting the remote, dispursing meds, and applying for jobs... it's just that I never had to do ALL of it myself before. Like, I know people do it all of the time, and my poor husband is miserable and I know he wishes he could help, I just want him to stay put and chop wood for winter at the same time. Ugh! Overwhelmed. - anyways, I mowed the lawn and was attacked by KILLER BEES! They were out for blood, mine! They tried to kill me, I know it! I got stung about 12 times. Well, anyways that was last weekend. I feel pretty good now, except they itch like the dickens. Then, we went to welfare... it was good. Humbling, but good. I'm completely NOT ashamed. My husband gives them 25% of his pay every week so it's about time we get a little something back. I have a long distance cousin that I care for more than she knows and her idiotic husband up and took her son (which is her whole LIFE!) and won't give him back. The catch... they are married! She was supposed to come up to Ohio with her son for 2 weeks and his controlling mother convinced him of how horrible a mother she is and brainwashed him into to doing this b/c he can't think on his own. Now she cries herself to sleep every night. He got a restraining order put on her so she can't even call to check on her son and now has to go thru a vigorous custody battle. The justice system is so screwed up. She really wanted a family for her son and tried to work things thru with her husband. He gets mad and hits her, but she owns up to her end. She dug her nails in him... as his hands were around her neck! It's very hard to deligate one law for every circumstance. He even told the judge during the court hearing for the restraining order - which he AND his nasty mother were shocked to see her at!- that she was an amazing mother. She was given up for adoption by a woman who should have never been able to have children (tho I'm glad she did or I would have never had my Tony or Amanda) and has been scarred by it, never understanding how a mother could do something like that to their kids. Now she's without hers! So, it's got me a little emo.

Kids got off to school great and are loving it. So that's good, right?

Besides wondering how on earth I'm going to pay for August's mortgage, let alone September's, we got a little - okay a lot - bad news today.

My husband sold a couple of turn tables that are highly sought after, on ebay a couple of weeks ago. This was to help cushion the effect of playing football. These were sweet turn tables, too. He's always used them for deejaying and stuff. He DID NOT want to part with them but he feels he doesn't use 'em enough to hold on to them while we're unable to pay things. Makes sense. We may find more things to fit that category... Well, the buyer didn't purchase shipping insurance, which is their option. The tables arrived to them today completely trashed! Broken arms, needles, dust/head covers. Post office is trying to say that it's not their fault and we have to eat it. Buyer wants money (to the tune of $457) back. Which is understandable. I just truly feel that whether insurance was purchased or not the post office has a responsibility to deliver something in tact! Shipping insurance is more for items not packaged well and they clang together during delivery and break. Well, these items' BOXES were crushed and caved in, despite the fact that I wrote huge "FRAGILE", "THIS END UP", and "HANDLE WITH CARE" memos all over the boxes!

I can understand buyer wanting money back for damaged items. But they were delivered in tact and I sent them off at the post office. Ebay claims no responsibility, that we need to contact paypal to see what to do. Paypal claims no responsibility and won't release any funds to either person, and when they do it'll probably be back to the buyer, not us. The post office claims no responsibility (so far, we have to go/call tomorrow morning) b/c we didn't purchase the shipping insurance (that the buyer didn't want). BUT THEY DESTROYED THE BOXES. FRIGGIN' MORONS! OOOHH. What to do?! I don't normally discuss finances but I DON'T CARE anymore.

So here's the photos of how the packages looked when they arrived. Can you believe it. It seems like a photo that would be on Letterman. Please handle with care, my butt!

There's several scratches on these that were NOT there b4, caused by the head cover shattering.

And... the head cover shattering!

We're soo stupid for not preparing better for these situations.

We're sooo stupid for waiting and expecting uncertain funds!

We're soooo stupid for....

I'm tired.

I always had the moto, "If it's a problem that can be fixed with money, it's not a problem worth worrying about." Now I feel more like, "If it's not one thing, it's two or three or four."

I just feel sooo depressed and pessimistic. Everything downhill. I need good news.

I know, I know, it could be A LOT worse. I just wanna feel sorry for myself and I want it to work and make me feel better. I know that it won't. It doesn't matter. I'm only talking to myself anyways....

Signing off, to myself...

P.S. Please God... help us to be better people and to rely on you...(sigh)

Oh, did I mention that I have terrible allergies that started last night and my eyes look like tomato halves and my nose is almost bleeding... I'm out of tissues. Paper towels hurt.

Okay. *Update* So, the man that purchased the turn tables from us just called. (I'm only on the comp now b/c he sent us the pics and I wanted to post 'em. I'm not a comp - aholic) He was really cool and completely stated how he could tell we took EXTRA good care wrapping it so that it should have made it there fine. He was highly pleased that we weren't trying to avoid him or anything and were on top of things with whom all we called... yada yada. Anyways, worse case scenario, if the post office gives us the run around, which they will... he's asked us to go in with him on the parts he needs in order to repair the items. So, out of pocket for now is $50 bucks. If the post office admits any wrong and refunds anything at all (I'll pass out from shock) then, we won't be out much at all and we can reimburse him for his expenses. In fact, he and Andre discovered they have much in common, esp listening to similar music, so Andre's gonna send him a couple of albums when we issue him a check. Andre doesn't use albums much anymore since he's gone digital. Anyways the p.o. stuff will probably take a couple of weeks.

I hate showing how much something can make or break your day/thoughts. If I could just rely on Jehovah more and stop relying on only myself! Open mouth, insert foot... a little... : )

GOOD NEWS!